WHAT A RIDE!

By

By Charity Kuria
They are the last places to have peace of mind. The salon and the inside of a matatu. Let me take on these mabasi aka manyanga. There is everything you know! That random guy who will enter and start preaching loudly struggling to be heard over the noise, that hawker who has everything from dawa ya panya, mende and viroboto, sweets and torch etc. Then, there is that other one selling stronger than strong mukobero.

 Now, there are two things involved, if you miss the loud preacher then there is loud music with DJ Demakufu on the decks. Thiiiitima! And there is WI-FI too. The makanga will then decide that the music isn’t loud enough and will request the driver to turn it up. The driver is one obedient person! 
The passenger on your right is eating roast maize and is talking loudly on the phone. The one on the left has a mouth emitting raw sewer and insists on striking a conversation with you. As if that is not enough torture the damn windows won't open. So you are stuck in the middle wishing for the driver to step on the brakes harder while the heaven keeps you safe.

 Normally for some reason the conductor is never alone but has this gang standing by the unclosed door having a leisure talk, whose strong stench of sweat when combined with other undefined odours in the bus hits hard that it feels like been electrocuted.

 You have no choice than try to lock out everything and everyone around you and instead concentrate on your phone. At least the Wi-Fi is working and soon you are lost in another world save for that occasion when you are almost tossed out of your seat thanks to emergency brakes when the driver comes close to hitting another vehicle or when jumping the road bumps.

 You are so much engrossed on that heated conversation and smiling at that joke on your WhatsApp group that you hardly realise that your battery charge is dying up until when that warning message pops up. Damn! You curse as your phone goes goodbye.

 By this time the traffic is hardly moving. Have you ever realised how the inside of an unmoving bus can get unbearably hot not to mention stuffy? Now everybody is practically bored with some of them dozing with their mouths wide open. Even the guy with the roast maize has slipped on to another world. The maize cob held limply in his hands drops and rolls all the way down and stops right by the conductor’s feet who then kicks it out through the open door.

 With that gone you start admiring the graffiti and posters that has been used to ‘pimp’ the manyanga. Stickers that indicate the rules of the bus. ‘NO PREACHING, EATING OR HAWKING IN THE BUS’ another will read ‘NO STANDING ON THE SEATS’ ‘ My business is protected by the blood of Jesus’ ‘Are you tired of BEDBUGS? Call this and this number’ beneath the stickers Rick Ross is biting hard onto his necklace. Mentally you sing his lyrics
…Collar on my Polo, kisses on my necklace,
All my diamonds watching, now my watches getting jealous
Smoking on a bomb in my autograph…

You are shaken out of your reverie when the conductor bangs loudly on the door reciting ‘shukisha’ the bus swerves dangerously as he makes a stopover and a few people alight. Together with other passengers you scramble to the vacated seats. I don’t know why people do this. Moving to the newly vacated seat in front of you. Lol!  You are next to alight!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ladies at the gents

By
Image
By Charity Kuria  I joined the debate club for the sole purpose of gaining public speaking skills but mostly to fight stage fright, having had a double take on the public speaking class without much progress. So on this particular day, the debate club had attended a training forum at USIU courtesy of Kenya National Debate Council headed by one Josiah Adiema Adiema. We all agree that USIU is a posh higher learning institution. The workshop was held at the magnificent library where to access the facilities you had to swipe using the school ID. Being from a different institution our host put in a good word for us and hence could access the washrooms for instance. The training went on well and was soon over. We decided to tour the campus and perhaps grab a bite as it was already in the afternoon. You know how it is when you are a bunch of newbies and hating the idea of asking for directions. Cafeterias aren't hard to locate especially if hungry. Some of us had
Keep reading

Matatu operators be the best now. Don't you agree?

By
Image
By Charity Kuria  Why! They take you places...you tour places you otherwise wouldn't have in your miserable routine. They change the scene for you on your way to and from work when they use panya routes to evade the traffic jam. He will use that road you've always wondered where it leads to and that free ride inside that estate you've always admired from hearsay...at no extra fee! They engage you in humuor through their (foul) language and will crack jokes that will leave you smiling if not laughing like crazy. The makanga sometimes forgets(intentionally) to give back the change. Please humbly remind him before you alight. The driver will sometimes give you a ride further than you intended please ask him to shukisha and remember to say thank you! Courtesy demands it. The makanga will ogle at you as you enter the vehicle calling you all those beautiful names sometimes to your dismay he might be tempted to touch to the amusement of others. Please kind
Keep reading

Strange breed of men!

By
Image
Photo:Internet By Wakini Kuria   The other evening l'm stepping out of Kamindi Stores, my niece doesn’t fancy my going home without goodies. My! That kid is growing faster than fast. Already, she is showing possible threats of beating me in height very soon and she is barely ten. OMG! So I walk out obediently carrying my ticket to her good books and being watchful of cars buzzing away and driving into the parking lot outside the stores.  This middle-aged guy files himself in front of me, walking between the small space left between the parked vehicles and the moving vehicles on the road. I’m literally behind him and suddenly from his right foot beneath his trousers rolls out a 20 bob coin that lands on my feet.  I stop to let him pick it and realising that it came from his torn pockets. I tell him’ Mend that hole’ To which he laughs and retorts ‘That’s my wife’s duty!’ With finality…well, such are men… then he continues " She is the one who washes them so sh
Keep reading